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As I think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes get asked what the differences are that I see in general in gay male relationships that are again, in general , different from straight relationships. These are the issues that come up repeatedly in couples counseling sessions:. Statistically, white men tend to be relatively high earners. The sexism that women only earn a portion of what men earn, for the same work, extends to both gay men and straight men. Gay men of color face a dual challenge in managing social reactions and pressures from being both gay and people of color, and also gender expectations.
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The police officer who arrested Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, in a men's restroom at the Minneapolis airport for allegedly looking to engage in gay sex wrote in his June report that he "recognized a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his foot up and down and swiped his hand underneath the bathroom stall in which the undercover cop was sitting, according to the police report. Those actions led to Craig's arrest by Detective Dave Karsnia and the senator's guilty plea to a disorderly conduct charge. Craig told reporters today that he did nothing inappropriate and said his guilty plea was a mistake. Public places like men's restrooms, in airports and train stations, truck stops, university libraries and parks, have long been places where gay and bisexual men, particularly those in the closet, congregate in order to meet for anonymous sex.
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A few weeks later I was bored and horny and a little stoned so I called him. He invited me over to his place to watch porn with him and his roommate. It wasn't long before we were all in bed having a threesome. I'm happily married to a woman now, but I'm glad I did that back then.
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Amid a scene of scantily clad sun worshipers, the best friends Reza Farahan and Mike Shouhed gaze at different objects of desire: Mr. Farahan at musclebound guys, Mr. Shouhed at voluptuous women. Their distinct lusts, which may have alienated gay and straight men from each other in the past, inspire the ultimate gesture of fraternal connection: a fist bump.
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